please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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