Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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