im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
