I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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