I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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