I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
