Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
