I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
