it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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