oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I came so hard my ears popped.
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