The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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