I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
