i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
