i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
