my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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