Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
