Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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