you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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