On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
