benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
