Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
