Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
