Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
