Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
