I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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