you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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