the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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