You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
