i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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