Can Purell be used as lube?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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