Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
