We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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