I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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