And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
