Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
