Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
