She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Barsexuality is the new black.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
