I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
