I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
