4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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