its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
