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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  "Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Haha how much did you smoke

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  4 feet of smokeee!

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter

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• (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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• (818): View more from California

  Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?

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• (207): View more from Maine

  So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?

  (863): View more from Florida

  I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him

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