I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
