so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there's paper in my vomit.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
