I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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