I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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