And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just pee around me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
