Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
