Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
