I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
