Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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